Editor’s note: This reflection is part of a series by chaplains in the Network of ELCA Colleges and Universities (NECU) on the ways in which God is at work on NECU campuses.
The hardship of losing a parent while trying to maintain one’s studies is a reality many college students face. Alex (last name withheld), a student at Augustana University in Sioux Falls., S.D.—where I serve as a university pastor and vice president for mission integration—is grateful for the community that helped his heart move forward and grieve the loss of his father.
For Alex, a challenging experience led to an unexpected journey of faith through supportive friends and campus pastors and staff who offered him spiritual support in an open, inclusive and loving way. “When people offer you a hand to help, take it,” Alex said. “You might not even know you need it, and it can fill your heart up in the best way. In a divine way.”
Alex recalls how difficult it was to share with anyone the news that his father had died. It felt like a weight too big to share with others, given the responsibilities students have, he said. He remembers clearly that when others comforted him, it was exactly what he needed. Looking back, Alex believes God had a hand in helping bring the people he needed at the right time—that it was divine timing, and that all he had to do was “be brave enough to accept the help.”
Alex believes God had a hand in helping bring the people he needed at the right time.
Alex found himself attending chapel with a good friend at Augustana, Lily (last name withheld), who invited him. He was surprised how safe and welcomed he felt and how much comfort the experience brought him.
Over Christmas break that year, Lily gifted Alex a bible she had picked out and inscribed for him. He describes Lily as a friend with a “mature faith.” Receiving the bible was an emotional experience, he said, because of the thought she put into it and the conversations they had together leading up to it.
He appreciated Lily’s openness to talking about big questions and describing a God for all people—that pursuing faith wasn’t something to be afraid of, but an invitation to be curious, and that you didn’t need to have all of the answers to have faith.
A “life-changing” experience
Alex recalls how, during one particularly challenging week while working at the campus welcome center, Augustana admissions staff member Adam Heinitz asked him a question: “Have you thought about going to talk to Pastor Ann? Many students and staff appreciate her wisdom and comfort.” In reaching out to me, Alex found another resource that helped him overcome his grief—and another reminder that Augustana can be a spiritual place for all students, wherever they are in their own personal faith.
With this support, something stirred in Alex’s heart: a curiosity about embracing not having all the answers and instead finding an invitation to learn more.
“Sometimes you have to hug the cactus.”
Another important accompaniment in Alex’s journey is music, which has played a significant role in developing his faith. “There are beautiful pieces that evoke such a strong emotion that it leaves you knowing something larger than us has to exist,” he said. He named in particular Augustana Choir Conductor Russell Svenningsen’s use of sacred text in choir, from Arthur Sullivan’s “The Long Day Closes” to “God Be with You Till We Meet Again” (ELW 536), a song played at Alex’s father’s funeral. Svenningsen often calls pieces like these “a sermon in a song.”
Svenningsen offered valuable advice in an expression Alex has taken with him: “Sometimes you have to hug the cactus.” For Alex, it named some of the feelings we can have about God and faith, including those that come from negative past experiences. But transformation comes in letting it go and trying again, with people who love and care about you.
Alex describes the transformation he had at Augustana as “life-changing.” He finds that his faith has carried him through grief and loss. “I feel like, even in hardship, I can see God’s hope in the world around me,” he said. It’s a hope that inspires others to get curious and to hug the cactus, because you never know the miracle that may be waiting for you on the other side.
